It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm determined to sit on that face.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
