i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
