One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
We need to get me chipped asap
My butt remains clenched, sir.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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