Pappa wants mamma naked
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
She bit a glass in half.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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