My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
