Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
