last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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