i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
