Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
