I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
