she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
