K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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