my room smells like sperm. sweet.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
