so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
