HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
