I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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