My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
