What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
