Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
