he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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