Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
