I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
