I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
