Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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