Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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