He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
