Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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