She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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