So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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