I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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