as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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