its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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