no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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