im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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