so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i love accidental penises.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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