i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
