it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
