I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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