they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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