Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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