I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
