saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
