that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
