just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
