just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
