My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
