Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
