so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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