i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
