Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
my being single is dangerous.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
